Wednesday, March 1, 2017

open hands, open heart

Open hands and open heart.  I saw this on one of my student's lunch bags the other day and I thought back to the many times I heard this message before the new year and the first of March. Yes... this is soo easy to say, however, it isn't not always easy to practice.

You see - I have been taken through a great deal of changes in a very tiny amount of time. In a few weeks, I have gotten engaged to the love of my life, planning a wedding, applying for jobs, and now I am on the cusp of studying for my program's comprehensive exams. I have felt very overwhelmed and I can't really say I've had open hands or an open heart through it all. I have been paralyzed with the thought of "what if's" "hows" and "whens". Literally, I had a mini sob session today with my classmate listening. I was rushing (which has been a norm for me these days) to my car  and I am so glad I ran into her. I have been overwhelmed because everything is happening at once and honestly, they are HUGE THINGS. I am going to be a wife to someone in literally less than 4  months and I will be responsible for a group of students. Geeessh. I can't even fathom all of these things at the moment.  

My classmate's words woke me up. She asked "how are you?" and you know what I said? " I am literally overwhelmed and not good". Wow. I could have said "I am doing fine", but you know what? I would have been lying to myself and not being true to my emotions and concerns. I felt good as we shared the same sentiments about the program and life. 

Whew. Part of having open hands and open heart is to recognize your emotions and feelings. I don't want myself to not be aware of them. However, I am learning that no matter the circumstances, the mood, the challenges in new transitions - I have joy... I vow to take it day by day. I breath in peace and love, I exhale doubt, fear, and frustration. 

Open hands and open heart.... it may not be the easiest thing in crazy busy seasons or seasons of stillness or even lack. However, I am learning regardless of the life's frustrations, through my joy in Christ - I have truly can embrace each season with open hands and an open heart...

I truly feel like I can do this. No matter the ebbs and flows. 

Open hands and open heart 💛

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